Non-profit aims to help local LGBTQ families

“I said, ‘Oh great, how is that going?’ And he said, ‘Well, not going as well as I expected, we’re having communication issues with a little bit of depression happening,’” Barb said.

That’s when the man leaned forward and told Barb his son was born female but is transgender-male.

“I expressed to him that although I couldn’t understand — I couldn’t walk in that person’s shoes — I could certainly empathize,” Barb said. “So I said, ‘What are you guys doing for your son?’”

The man was trying to find some counseling, but the only available service was an emergency petition with a 72-hour admittance. And that wasn’t necessary since there was no danger of self-harm or harm to others.

“I kind of left the situation with an ‘I’m going to see if I could find something for you,’” Barb said. “And on the car ride home, I told my husband, ‘I’m going to start a non-profit. I’m going to find a way to get counseling for these kids, for these families that identify as LGBTQ+ and see what I can do to help make a difference.”

New non-profit

After identifying the need, Barb set out to turn an idea into a reality. That meant finding help getting the LGBTQ+ Family Connections Center off the ground.

He turned to his friend Stacey Ramsland, a utilization coordinator at Sheppard Pratt, a psychiatric hospital in Towson, Maryland. Barb, 51, said he’d known Ramsland for about 30 years.

“She said in her experience working at Sheppard Pratt and before at John Hopkins that it is difficult to find counseling that is more specialized toward LGBTQ+ youth and families,” Barb said. “And she also seemed very passionate about it.”

Barb also reached out to Katie Swan and Tracy Ziegler, both of whom he’d known since his teenage years. The four, along with Miller, make up Connections Center’s Board of Directors.

“We did a Zoom meeting with all of us and decided to start a non-profit,” Barb said.

Providing help

Barb doesn’t want to change anyone’s mind or perspective with the counseling. He said the Connections Center’s goal is to provide a safe space for LGBTQ families to improve communication with each other.

“We definitely believe in giving somebody the space to be who they already are with support and love, but at the same time, we’re definitely not telling you that you should be this way or that way,” he said. “Our position is neutral in that if it’s who you are, we definitely want to help you. We definitely want to offer support, but we definitely are not into any conversion on either way in the matter.”

And Barb said they wouldn’t turn any youth away whether they are LGBTQ or not.

One goal Barb set is developing a campground area near the Custer, South Dakota area, which he discussed with Ziegler — a science advisor with the National Park Service. He’s currently raising money on GoFundMe for the effort.

“Where families could come and just let their hair down, do the counseling, do the things that are fun in the area like Custer State Park, Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, the Badlands,” Barb said. “You know, and just have time to disconnect from the stress, sit and talk and enjoy each other’s company. And then take some of those tools that they learned in counseling and apply them before they go back home in the real world.”

The Connections Center plans to serve everyone within a 250-mile radius around Rapid City. Barb said that includes LGBTQ families in Pierre and Fort Pierre, who could drive to in-person services they’ll establish at The Cave Collective in Rapid City, future campgrounds or online virtual services.

The local non-profit LGBTQ advocacy group PACE — Pierre Area Center for Equality — founding member Joshua Penrod said the Connections Center fills a needed service, which Pierre, Fort Pierre and South Dakota lack.

“As far as specialized counseling for LGBTQ+ people, I am not aware of any specialized counseling resources,” he said. “We know of local counselors who are more than happy to work with LGBTQ youth, but there isn’t any clinics that specifically focus on that. Now that I know about it, I will be reaching out to them today to make a connection with PACE and get something going.”

Penrod said PACE is more about advocacy, but the five-member group raises money to help LGBTQ people get to resources outside of Pierre and Fort Pierre.

Although Connections Center plans to base itself near Rapid City and Custer, Penrod said it’s important to keep track of any resources available when living in South Dakota.

“So that way, these people who need the help can get it,” he said. “I mean, that’s our main goal, to help people. And we want to do everything we can as groups and social advocacy groups in South Dakota. We want to figure out how we can help people without the distance being a limitation.”

Impacts

The LGBTQ community faces some unique challenges that have impacts on mental health, housing and employment.

According to the Connections Center, LGBTQ individuals and same-sex couples have lower incomes than heterosexual and different-sex couples. And 24 percent of children of same-sex couples live in poverty compared to 14 percent of those in different-sex couples. The Community Center said there are two million to 3.7 million children with an LGBTQ parent.

LGBTQ advocacy and resource site The Trevor Project reported family rejection has substantial impacts on youth within the community. The site stated LGBTQ youth are 8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide, 5.9 times more likely to have depression and 3.4 times more likely to use illicit drugs than their peers who didn’t experience family rejection.

Dr. Amanda Diehl is a former pediatrician who now works for the Community Health Center of the Black Hills and specializes in LGBTQ issues. Diehl said she spends most of her time addressing the mental health impacts among LGBTQ youth.

“In general, the acceptance of LGBT+ youth is difficult in the best circumstances, and nearly impossible when you’re talking about a state that says transgender isn’t a real thing and they don’t deserve to play sports,” she said. “So, then you’re running into parents hearing that outside of the home — this isn’t real, these people don’t deserve rights — it makes it that much more difficult for kids to get accepted... Very commonly within their own family.”

Barb said he didn’t have the exact size of the LGBTQ community in South Dakota but used a general rule to estimate how many Connections Center plans to serve.

“With the 250-mile radius of Rapid City, which that does include the other states — Wyoming, Nebraska — it’s basically 5 percent of the population, which the total populations of that 250-mile radius is 372,000,” he said. “So, that puts the population at about 18,600 that identify as LGBTQ on some end of the spectrum.”

Diehl also pointed to bullying in schools as another issue LGBTQ youth face as negatively impacting their wellbeing.

Penrod said it’s an issue in Pierre and pointed to reports made to PACE from LGBTQ youth about bullying in local schools.

Living openly

Barb said he lived in Custer, Keystone and Rapid City for 30 years now and found less hostility than other big cities.

“How I ended up in South Dakota was during my late-teen years in college, when my parents found out that I was gay, we had some difficulties with communication,” he said. “I moved away. I moved to Custer, and, fortunately, we were able to repair those issues in our relationship and rapport differently as well.”

Barb pointed to the live-and-let-live attitude of South Dakota for making it possible to live openly without facing hostility.

“I have always found South Dakota to be extremely respectful, extremely accepting of other people,” he said. “I think that so many people of so many diverse backgrounds live there that I never had an issue.”

Barb also finds the natural beauty and open areas that attract tourists as selling points in making South Dakota his home.

But a rural area like South Dakota has some drawbacks in the lack of LGBTQ resources compared to large cities in other states. And that’s something he wants to address with the Connections Center.

“For me personally (South Dakota) is a very healing area, but from a perspective of somebody in Pierre identified as LGBTQ, or one of their children did, there’s not a whole lot of places to go,” he said. “The services just aren’t there, and that’s what we want to do — is bring those services to rural America.”